Three Months
Today, my son is three months old. I can't believe how fast the time has gone by, and how much I already have missed out on.
Before Kai was born, I thought I'd be the kind of guy that would take a hundred pictures a day, that would want to go everywhere with my son.
And here I am, three months later, almost to the minute. And yet, my hard drive is not full of pictures. I have yet to take a single video of him. And what really sucks is that I can't shake the feeling that I'm not good enough of a father because of it.
As crass as it might sound, fatherhood is almost like a gym membership. Although I've worked out in the past, anyone that knows me (hell, anyone that sees me from even moderate distances) knows that I could use a little exercise. The closer Barbara's due date came, the more I was motivated to start working out again. I wanted to be a healthy, active father. So I signed up at a local gym, and was really excited about going. I went out and bought some new gym clothes and a padlock, and started thinking about my routines. When would I go? How long would I stay? How would my new workout schedule fit into my normal work routine?
So I went to the gym a few times, and was really pumped up about it. And then, nothing. I reverted to my old habits. I kept making excuses about why I couldn't go: I was busy at work, and couldn't take a long lunch break. I couldn't go after work, because I needed to get home to Barbara. I couldn't wake up early, because I'd be too tired to be productive at work.
And then Kai came along. At first, I was taking pictures of anything he did. And slowly, it stopped. I would find myself looking at him and thinking, "THIS IS SO CUTE! Where's the camera?" And upon realizing the camera was all the way upstairs, I would just shrug off the photo opportunity with similar excuses: I can't leave the baby for a minute to get the camera. It will take too long to get the camera that he won't be doing the same thing when I get back. He'll be just as cute tomorrow as he is right now, and I'll hopefully make sure to bring the camera downstairs by then.
And what's really depressing now, looking back at old (two months ago is OLD???) photos of him, that I barely remember what he looked like as a newborn because of how different he is now.
So wish me luck. I'm going to take more photos. I'm going to shoot some video. And I'm going to take my lazy ass to the gym.
Unless there's something good on TV...
Before Kai was born, I thought I'd be the kind of guy that would take a hundred pictures a day, that would want to go everywhere with my son.
And here I am, three months later, almost to the minute. And yet, my hard drive is not full of pictures. I have yet to take a single video of him. And what really sucks is that I can't shake the feeling that I'm not good enough of a father because of it.
As crass as it might sound, fatherhood is almost like a gym membership. Although I've worked out in the past, anyone that knows me (hell, anyone that sees me from even moderate distances) knows that I could use a little exercise. The closer Barbara's due date came, the more I was motivated to start working out again. I wanted to be a healthy, active father. So I signed up at a local gym, and was really excited about going. I went out and bought some new gym clothes and a padlock, and started thinking about my routines. When would I go? How long would I stay? How would my new workout schedule fit into my normal work routine?
So I went to the gym a few times, and was really pumped up about it. And then, nothing. I reverted to my old habits. I kept making excuses about why I couldn't go: I was busy at work, and couldn't take a long lunch break. I couldn't go after work, because I needed to get home to Barbara. I couldn't wake up early, because I'd be too tired to be productive at work.
And then Kai came along. At first, I was taking pictures of anything he did. And slowly, it stopped. I would find myself looking at him and thinking, "THIS IS SO CUTE! Where's the camera?" And upon realizing the camera was all the way upstairs, I would just shrug off the photo opportunity with similar excuses: I can't leave the baby for a minute to get the camera. It will take too long to get the camera that he won't be doing the same thing when I get back. He'll be just as cute tomorrow as he is right now, and I'll hopefully make sure to bring the camera downstairs by then.
And what's really depressing now, looking back at old (two months ago is OLD???) photos of him, that I barely remember what he looked like as a newborn because of how different he is now.
So wish me luck. I'm going to take more photos. I'm going to shoot some video. And I'm going to take my lazy ass to the gym.
Unless there's something good on TV...
posted by Nik at
1:38 AM
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