Four months of parenting lessons

Over the last four months, I've learned some pretty important lessons that I'd like to pass along to any of my friends who are having, or thinking about having, kids of their own.

Lesson 1: Don't have kids. Unless your life is so miserable, lonely, and empty that you don't mind giving everything up for your baby.

Lesson 2: The best way to soothe a crying baby is to hand it to your significant other and leave the room. See? Now you can't even hear it crying anymore! (At least, you can't distinguish his cries over those of your significant other.)

Lesson 3: No matter how filthy his diaper disaster may be, don't under any circumstances use the turkey lifters to pick up your baby.

Lesson 4: Babies are cheap! People who say otherwise are not accounting for the money you're no longer spending on:
* Parking
* Cover charge
* Drinks
* Tickets (Sporting event, concert, symphony, opera, speeding)
* Dinners in fancy restaurants

Lesson 5: Every day, you will think to yourself, "It will get better next week".

Lesson 6: Every day, you will think to yourself, "I miss how it was last week".

Lesson 7: You will learn to operate at 50% of your normal state of consciousness. On a good day.

Lesson 8: You will realize just how much better, sweeter, stronger, and smarter your significant other is than you.

Lesson 9: Work becomes where you go to take a vacation from home.

Lesson 10: Your baby is the most beautiful baby that's ever been born. Your baby's laugh is the sweetest sound you've ever heard. Your baby's cry is the most heart-wrenching sound you've ever heard. Your baby taking a monster crap while someone else is holding him is the funniest sound you've ever heard.